Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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