I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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