i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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