Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize