even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize