I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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