I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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