my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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