dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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