So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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