I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize