The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize