the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How does it feel to date your dad?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize