i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
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I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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