I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize