sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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