Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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