Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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