We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize