You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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