I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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