Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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