woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize