my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's get the cat blown out
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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