double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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