Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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