Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize