mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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