i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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