Say something about gay babies.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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