Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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