Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize