now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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