Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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