im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize