Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize