Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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