i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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