addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize