just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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