SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize