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____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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