can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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