u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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