Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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