my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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