You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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