I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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