Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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