Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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